Finals Week

        Finals Week, those two words usually strike fear and terror into college students. This week seems to the most crucial and trying time for current students and still stirs graduates to the core. A huge percentage of a students grade usually lies in the outcome of a final. Even if your grade is not dependent on the result of your final there usually is a tidal wave of work, study and preparation required to make it through this week of immense stress. The thing that is nice about being an English major at Concordia is that I haven't had a lot of "cumulative" finals. The bad thing is that there are usually enormous papers to write and just like most college students I procrastinate and end up writing the whole thing the night before. I must say that I had to take Principles of Biology as a gen ed. and I absolutely manhandled that class. If it weren't for my abhorrence for Black Board and my inability to remember to take the online quizzes I probably would have aced the whole class. Instead I ended with an 88% but on the "final" which was actually just the last unit test, I scored 114 out of 100. This professor gave extra credit questions on the test and she also curved because she had her baby over thanksgiving so the last two weeks were independent study. Needless to say I was the curve, or broke it. Now that finals are over and I'm back home for the Christmas Break/ til next semester starts I have another predicament.
        I'm home which means I'm in the middle of no where. Yes i enjoy being home and with my family but there's only so much you can do and after awhile I'll get sick of it. I also start to miss my friends from college and I can't visit them and I start feeling "college sick". Like home sickness but the other way around. College has become my home and also where I have the most opportunities to go out with out driving thirsty to forty minutes. Most of my high school friends are doing their own thing and frankly I haven't even talked to all but my closest friends. Well I do need to get my stuff unpacked and go through old stuff and see what we can get rid of. So there is stuff to do but I seem to lose motivation so quickly.
        I also need to watch what I eat. I've lost some weight and I need to keep it off if even lose some more but with a refrigerator and pantry full of munchies and a sudden feeling of lethargy it's going to take a lot of will power.
       So to my fellow college students take your break to release your stress have fun and enjoy it while it lasts. Also please feel free to click on ads and show some support to a fellow broke college student. It's like a possible ten cent free donation and it costs you nothing. I also look forward to any comments that I could use to blog with or engage in conversation. Seriously I'd like to get feed back, or email me at SycoFox (at) gmail.com

Feedback appreciated

Soooo.... I've been trying to come up with a good theme or topic and I can't really figure out what or why I started this blog besides that I want to write, and occasionally put personal experience into the posts. Right now is finals and I really should be doing that. You know, studying, writing a paper, practicing for my trumpet jury and that vocal recital. So I thought I'd ask  you guys. "You Guys" being who ever happens to reads this. Why do you come back to look at it? What do you want to see? I know that I need to find something that can draw people in. Always talking about my self and my ideas won't get a lot of people interested. Oh and if you see the Ads on my page, do me a favor and click on them once in awhile. They won't kill you and you might be helping me get some pocket change. Thanks and hopefully during break I'll get some stuff done. I look forward to reading your comments.

Focusing Content, no more "rants"

I have decided I need to find a certain type of posts and content that needs to be made on this site. By choosing the type of content posted I think that I'll be able to make better posts and therefore attract readers. I have a second blog that I have designated for my devotions when I decide to take the time to put them up. Even though I don't want to limit or keep the Gospel from readers of this post, I think it's fair to say that you may read this blog for your own reasons and will not want to see my rants or religious views. I will do a better job of keeping this blog clear of rants because I am personally embarrassed by my self for allowing my unprofessional lack of restraint of my thoughts. Not that I am ashamed of my God but I don't want to push others away or give false impressions. I believe if a reader wants to hear my views or the Gospel they will be lead to those resources. Again I will work on finding a steady theme to this blog and I hope that who ever finds this will appreciate what I put up. Thank you

Thanksgiving and other "Holidays"

So obviously if you live in America and own a TV, Computer, Smartphone or ant other media device you know that this past week was Thanksgiving, followed by Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and who knows how many other special events, sales and celebrations. Over the years I've participated in my share of  celebrations and when I was younger and had expendable cash I've scrambled and rushed to get few gifts on insane sale prices at 6 in the morning. Things change though and we "grow up", college sucks away money, personal trauma occurs and loved ones are lost. Whether these things affected my view of Holidays or I simply grew tired of the societal mockery and defilement of pure and simple things in life. Thanksgiving is based on the supposed celebration between Native Americans and the "Pilgrims". Cultural shifts and ignorance covers the holiday in a cloud of uncertainty and transforms it into an excuse to indulge and promote reckless spending and fulfilling a need for accomplishment by purchasing excessive amounts of material goods. It leads to X-mas, as most of America would prefer to call it. This "Hol(y)day" was first introduced by the church to signify the birth of Jesus Christ, hence CHRISTmas. It greatly saddens me how not many people don't know this. What saddens me more is those who do but still focus on what secular America has done to it rather than the "true meaning" of Christmas. The fact that many believe that it is a time to be happy, give gifts and visit family rather than remember that God came to this world as True Man and True God so that we could be redeemed from the wrath we deserved.

I'm sorry to have delved into theology but it invokes sadness and anger that so many of my fellow human beings are lost and wandering and they could very easily find the answers to the questions and fill the holes that that don't even realize they are trying to fill. I also don't like the picture of Christianity that other religions and nonbelievers have in mind because of the flabby Christians and even the devout. We are seen as hypocrites because we seem to seek and expect perfection when we cannot ourselves be what we "preach". Most Christians accept and believe that we are no better no perfect than any one else. We simply try to be out of thankfulness for what Christ did for us. I try to live as if everyday is Thanksgiving,Christmas, and Easter so sometimes it feels slightly pointless to celebrate a these Holidays. Not that I'm a downer, but instead of these days being a peak of joy and other days are lows they are simply an elevation of a spiritual high. Not that I don't have bad days or periods of low spirits, I simply don't need a holiday to lift them back up. So, have a Happy Holiday but I urge you to look for the well that never runs dry and maybe you'll find the Christ in your Holy Day.

Well I dropped the ball

 I have totally neglected this blog. The first week I skipped I thought to my self that'll I'll just continue the next week and then I think I just plain forgot and then school whorled away the rest. A lot has gone on here at Concordia, with classes and many extra curricular activities such as a production of the Glass Menagerie (I was Jim), a youth group retreat held here called Tool Time (I did Improv and designed,set up and ran all the lights), and also a Senior overnight at which I hosted a high school senior in my dorm room.

Thanksgiving break is just around the corner and then two more week till finals. GAHH!! On the everyday, personal life side of thing I've been blessed a lot of good revelations and friends. I pray that my recovery and growth will continue and that I never go back or get as confused and lost as I was.

So I hope that anyone who stumbles upon this or reads regularly will not be confused because this post is mostly for my benefit and just the let anyone know that I am still alive and that maybe I'll be more productive in updating this. The next post should be more meaningful and contain more content and stuff worth reading and retaining.

"Appliances"

Yeah right now I'm thinking about appliances. I had a fight with my coffee maker over the weekend. It's a cheap little thing and on the front it says Mr. Coffee (I assume that's the brand? and I hope I can use that name on this inconsequential blog). In all reality it was user malfunction and not the products fault but you think after 3 year with it, it would have been more considerate to it's faith friend and courteous owner. When making coffee I put in the proper amount of water and coffee grounds in the filter, and flip/push the on button. The contraption to supply the power is awfully strange, at least to me. It resembles a switch but you push it more than you flip it.  The little thing starts to gurgle after awhile and and then it starts to percolate or whatever. The boiling water goes up and and then falls into the filter and scorches the unsuspecting coffee grounds, which release their aroma though it's just  Seattle's best Coffee found at Target.

It's level four coffee and in small print it says Henry's blend. I hope Henry's taste in coffee is respected cause it's tastes fine to me, but I wouldn't want to drink something that would be considered substandard. The other description given says that it is a coffee both for the connoisseur and those who have trouble spelling it. So I guess it must have some report with food critics. Or it's just a piece of marketing deception. I digress.

What happened next was I usually like to let the filter fill up before putting the pot underneath to drain the coffee. I'd like to believe that this lets the ground "cook" longer and release more of their nutrients and flavor, mostly I just care about the caffeine. Anyways I left the maker pot-less for a little too long so when I did put the  pot in  I noticed that coffee grounds drip trough with the coffee for they had floated above the filter. This has happened before, I usually just restrain the coffee. I stopped the machine and let the coffee drain. When I opened the lid I noticed little brown bits on top of the filter holder thing, and then I noticed them in the unboiled water. So I had to rinse the whole thing out and I feel some grounds got pulled into the tubing and what not. I hope that doesn't cause problems later. If I smell burning I'm throwing it out but I'd rather not because I probably wouldn't be able to get a new one for awhile.

The next day I made coffee again and prayed the poor thing would function. It did, but the filter failed. some how part of the filter fell down and the specks of caffeine producing goodness plummeted into the coffee pot. I poured the coffee into my trusty Tin OSU Buckeyes Mug. I added half a pound of Domino sugar four heaps of Meijer Brand Non-Dairy Creamer and a splash of some other brand of Vanilla coffee syrup that I got at target with the filters and coffee. I usually have to let the coffee cool off significantly before consumption. By the time I'm down to the last ounce of coffee it's technically cold. I love to take the last of it like a shot, just shooting it down. I actually think this last bit of coffee is the best, I prefer frozen coffee beverages any way and the sugar tends to settle a bit. Unfortunately due to the creamer clouding the drink and therefore making me unaware of the spitefull bits awaiting revenge for stealing their precious caffine and scorching them they just sat at the bottom patiently waiting, I took in the last of the coffee. Instead of the euphoria of caffeine and heavenly delight of sensory stimulation, I got a mouthful of bitter fiends of leftover bits.

So there's my coffee anecdote.

[Anxiety]

For just a moment ignore the title. I'd just like to say I've had my first comment on this blog and I'm just now looking at my blog an noticing this as I write. Once again I forgot about this blog, I don't have any other blogs but I still manage to forget that I have it. To my commenter, Jon, I thank you for your input and encouragement. Another side note not pertaining to "this week's thought", I greatly appreciate comments big or small, meaningful or silly. Just not rude, ignorant or just plain mean/pointless. Criticism is great but it has to have a purpose.

So anxiety, I have it. It is probably worth going to a professional about it but I don't. Certain situations or even the possibility of a certain situation arising out of other situations can cause me to rapidly remove my self from them. I am overly analytical and very observant. My observations fuel my analysis and my foresight generates notions of possible disaster. Anxiety is a plague that rots away every support that exists to keep me, and I believe everyone, sane. Umm I lost where is was going with that so I'll just leave that wonderful metaphor to sit in your brain and move on.

The worst side effect that I feel most often is the feeling of a traffic jam in my brain when Anxiety meets Depression which meets the Other-part-of-me that just wants everything to get out of it's way so that I can live my life without all this crap and baggage. The problem is when in either one of these three states you forget about how real the feelings are when in the other. When depressed you forget how good you feel when you're not, and vice versa. You forget how bad things really did feel when you ran out of the room on the brink of tears or hysteria.

Sometimes you want to give up but you can't stop fighting. What does it mean to give up? How do you give up? What does it feel like to not have to fight?

I can and can't answer these questions. God can, but I don't know what he would do. I just have to make it through and just wait for the answer to come.

Wow that got really deep didn't it? Well maybe not REALLY deep but pretty deep. Anyway thank you for enduring this if you made it this far. Until next time!

My brain on Personal Productivity

So I have pretty much abandoned this blog. I thought about it a couple times this summer but never got to it. I figure no one really follows me so I doesn't really matter anyway so apologizing is unnecessary but I still feel obligated to. I hope to get some things out on paper so that I can focus and make goals. I think my goal will be to post on this blog AT LEAST once a week. I think I will also make another blog to write my devotionals on. I'm the SLR (Spiritual Life Representative) of my dorm and therefore I am responsible for leading devos 1-2 times a week. I might as well put them up where other people might benefit. For anyone who wants a few semi-personal details about my life, I'm trying to get my social emotional health into a steady balance. I have issues that lead me to live like a hermit and I hate it but it is so habitual that I'm trapped in this cycle. So any ways it's been nice chatting to the Void of the internet. Maybe I'll be productive and get some thing done. I also need to figure out how much a typical blog is. One that is stimulating but yet not completely mind numbing.

School Dances

So tonight is our University's Spring Formal. From what I've gandered there will be approximately 90 people in attendance. My high School was small and so was our prom but I think we managed to attract more people. I have mixed feelings about dances. I either have a good time or come home feeling sick because I have social anxiety. I can never force my self to enjoy it. Either I feel confident because I actually have people who make me feel included with or I get self conscious and want to go to my room and be alone. I often feel like I'm "tagging along" or I have to insert myself into a group. I bought the ticket and I mentioned that I might not go to a friends and they said that I should. It made me wonder, since he's SAC Chair(Student Activities Counsel), if it would be that there would be one more person there or if he really wanted me to come. Here I go into my brain's constant analysis of what people really think about me. Would anyone actually notice that I wasn't there, notice if I was, if I left? I really shouldn't put this into a blog but oh well. It's all like reliving High School, my adolescent ideology that people care about how I look or act and all that stuff. Ok I'm stopping.

Do other larger Colleges and Universities still have "Formals" or are they just Frat parties?

Opening the flood gates of my own brand of Chaos

So I don't know who will ever find this but what the heck. This is another attempt for me to try to get my ideas out into the world and to just rant or release my pent up mental and/or creative energy. I have a YouTube account but my computer and editing software never seem to like me so I've neglected that. I also have a twitter that only has 18 followers and most of those are random and I have no clue how they found me and I'm unsure they are even real people. Though I've had two random "celebrities", one is a jewelry artist and the other is a small cast member from the "The Guild". If you find this I'm not dissing you but I don't understand how you got subscribed to me, I actually thought you were quite good. I've also had random friend invites on Youtube. But this is besides the point. I'll probably forget about this blog after a few weeks or maybe it'll survive. Who know maybe I'll get my 15min. of fame one day.... yeah i guess if it's God willing. I'll probably get lost in the sea of fellow wannabes other ranters.

I work in the art gallery at my small private university so I have four hours ever weekend to write about stuff that is not at all legitimate to my academic studies that I should be working on.

Speaking of which I'm at the end of my shift so I won't get to do my introductions till the next blog post so until then I guess....