[Anxiety]

For just a moment ignore the title. I'd just like to say I've had my first comment on this blog and I'm just now looking at my blog an noticing this as I write. Once again I forgot about this blog, I don't have any other blogs but I still manage to forget that I have it. To my commenter, Jon, I thank you for your input and encouragement. Another side note not pertaining to "this week's thought", I greatly appreciate comments big or small, meaningful or silly. Just not rude, ignorant or just plain mean/pointless. Criticism is great but it has to have a purpose.

So anxiety, I have it. It is probably worth going to a professional about it but I don't. Certain situations or even the possibility of a certain situation arising out of other situations can cause me to rapidly remove my self from them. I am overly analytical and very observant. My observations fuel my analysis and my foresight generates notions of possible disaster. Anxiety is a plague that rots away every support that exists to keep me, and I believe everyone, sane. Umm I lost where is was going with that so I'll just leave that wonderful metaphor to sit in your brain and move on.

The worst side effect that I feel most often is the feeling of a traffic jam in my brain when Anxiety meets Depression which meets the Other-part-of-me that just wants everything to get out of it's way so that I can live my life without all this crap and baggage. The problem is when in either one of these three states you forget about how real the feelings are when in the other. When depressed you forget how good you feel when you're not, and vice versa. You forget how bad things really did feel when you ran out of the room on the brink of tears or hysteria.

Sometimes you want to give up but you can't stop fighting. What does it mean to give up? How do you give up? What does it feel like to not have to fight?

I can and can't answer these questions. God can, but I don't know what he would do. I just have to make it through and just wait for the answer to come.

Wow that got really deep didn't it? Well maybe not REALLY deep but pretty deep. Anyway thank you for enduring this if you made it this far. Until next time!