"Appliances"

Yeah right now I'm thinking about appliances. I had a fight with my coffee maker over the weekend. It's a cheap little thing and on the front it says Mr. Coffee (I assume that's the brand? and I hope I can use that name on this inconsequential blog). In all reality it was user malfunction and not the products fault but you think after 3 year with it, it would have been more considerate to it's faith friend and courteous owner. When making coffee I put in the proper amount of water and coffee grounds in the filter, and flip/push the on button. The contraption to supply the power is awfully strange, at least to me. It resembles a switch but you push it more than you flip it.  The little thing starts to gurgle after awhile and and then it starts to percolate or whatever. The boiling water goes up and and then falls into the filter and scorches the unsuspecting coffee grounds, which release their aroma though it's just  Seattle's best Coffee found at Target.

It's level four coffee and in small print it says Henry's blend. I hope Henry's taste in coffee is respected cause it's tastes fine to me, but I wouldn't want to drink something that would be considered substandard. The other description given says that it is a coffee both for the connoisseur and those who have trouble spelling it. So I guess it must have some report with food critics. Or it's just a piece of marketing deception. I digress.

What happened next was I usually like to let the filter fill up before putting the pot underneath to drain the coffee. I'd like to believe that this lets the ground "cook" longer and release more of their nutrients and flavor, mostly I just care about the caffeine. Anyways I left the maker pot-less for a little too long so when I did put the  pot in  I noticed that coffee grounds drip trough with the coffee for they had floated above the filter. This has happened before, I usually just restrain the coffee. I stopped the machine and let the coffee drain. When I opened the lid I noticed little brown bits on top of the filter holder thing, and then I noticed them in the unboiled water. So I had to rinse the whole thing out and I feel some grounds got pulled into the tubing and what not. I hope that doesn't cause problems later. If I smell burning I'm throwing it out but I'd rather not because I probably wouldn't be able to get a new one for awhile.

The next day I made coffee again and prayed the poor thing would function. It did, but the filter failed. some how part of the filter fell down and the specks of caffeine producing goodness plummeted into the coffee pot. I poured the coffee into my trusty Tin OSU Buckeyes Mug. I added half a pound of Domino sugar four heaps of Meijer Brand Non-Dairy Creamer and a splash of some other brand of Vanilla coffee syrup that I got at target with the filters and coffee. I usually have to let the coffee cool off significantly before consumption. By the time I'm down to the last ounce of coffee it's technically cold. I love to take the last of it like a shot, just shooting it down. I actually think this last bit of coffee is the best, I prefer frozen coffee beverages any way and the sugar tends to settle a bit. Unfortunately due to the creamer clouding the drink and therefore making me unaware of the spitefull bits awaiting revenge for stealing their precious caffine and scorching them they just sat at the bottom patiently waiting, I took in the last of the coffee. Instead of the euphoria of caffeine and heavenly delight of sensory stimulation, I got a mouthful of bitter fiends of leftover bits.

So there's my coffee anecdote.

[Anxiety]

For just a moment ignore the title. I'd just like to say I've had my first comment on this blog and I'm just now looking at my blog an noticing this as I write. Once again I forgot about this blog, I don't have any other blogs but I still manage to forget that I have it. To my commenter, Jon, I thank you for your input and encouragement. Another side note not pertaining to "this week's thought", I greatly appreciate comments big or small, meaningful or silly. Just not rude, ignorant or just plain mean/pointless. Criticism is great but it has to have a purpose.

So anxiety, I have it. It is probably worth going to a professional about it but I don't. Certain situations or even the possibility of a certain situation arising out of other situations can cause me to rapidly remove my self from them. I am overly analytical and very observant. My observations fuel my analysis and my foresight generates notions of possible disaster. Anxiety is a plague that rots away every support that exists to keep me, and I believe everyone, sane. Umm I lost where is was going with that so I'll just leave that wonderful metaphor to sit in your brain and move on.

The worst side effect that I feel most often is the feeling of a traffic jam in my brain when Anxiety meets Depression which meets the Other-part-of-me that just wants everything to get out of it's way so that I can live my life without all this crap and baggage. The problem is when in either one of these three states you forget about how real the feelings are when in the other. When depressed you forget how good you feel when you're not, and vice versa. You forget how bad things really did feel when you ran out of the room on the brink of tears or hysteria.

Sometimes you want to give up but you can't stop fighting. What does it mean to give up? How do you give up? What does it feel like to not have to fight?

I can and can't answer these questions. God can, but I don't know what he would do. I just have to make it through and just wait for the answer to come.

Wow that got really deep didn't it? Well maybe not REALLY deep but pretty deep. Anyway thank you for enduring this if you made it this far. Until next time!

My brain on Personal Productivity

So I have pretty much abandoned this blog. I thought about it a couple times this summer but never got to it. I figure no one really follows me so I doesn't really matter anyway so apologizing is unnecessary but I still feel obligated to. I hope to get some things out on paper so that I can focus and make goals. I think my goal will be to post on this blog AT LEAST once a week. I think I will also make another blog to write my devotionals on. I'm the SLR (Spiritual Life Representative) of my dorm and therefore I am responsible for leading devos 1-2 times a week. I might as well put them up where other people might benefit. For anyone who wants a few semi-personal details about my life, I'm trying to get my social emotional health into a steady balance. I have issues that lead me to live like a hermit and I hate it but it is so habitual that I'm trapped in this cycle. So any ways it's been nice chatting to the Void of the internet. Maybe I'll be productive and get some thing done. I also need to figure out how much a typical blog is. One that is stimulating but yet not completely mind numbing.